Resolving House or Flat Sharing Conflict by Ed Shin, Editor

Tuesday, 20th January 2009

When sharing a house with other people there may be a time when one of your housemates gets on your nerves.  You strongly feel that your housemate is not holding up their end of the bargain, leaving the house messy, entertaining far too many guests and coming up late with the rent and other utility expenses. 

 

This may result in a conflict between both of you, and here’s what you need to know on how to sort this out and not let it affect either of you too much and end your friendship/ability to stay together.

 

Talk

Communication is the key to resolving any conflict. Plan to talk to the other person at a time that is convenient for both of you. Don’t accost your flatmate just when they are rushing for their classes, or grabbing a quick bite to eat or when entertaining guests.

 

If you’re sharing a flat with good friends, it’s harder to talk about matters such as late payment of bills when it’s your friend letting you down. The longer you ignore what’s troubling you, the more it will begin to fester. So, sit down and let out what is bothering you, and together think of ways to resolve the problem.

 

What to Say?

Think about what you feel, and how you want to say it, in advance. If necessary, rehearse before a mirror, if the matter is rather sticky or delicate. Go over it with a friend not directly connected and get their views on how you sound. Do you sound whiny and complaining? Modulate your voice and tone. Stay calm.

 

If you do not state your problem clearly, then you may end up confusing/angering the other person more. It may help to write things down as well.

 

The Blame Game

 

Don’t immediately start off by putting all the blame on your flatmate. Get your feelings across and then gently suggest how both of you can work together to resolve the issues. Remember you're both sharing the same flat so it's not worth the aggravation.

 

Listen

Don’t just voice your opinion, but listen to what they have to say as well. Give tyour hosuemate a chance to respond with their side of the story, what they think has been happening to cause the trouble. Let the other person know that you’re listening.

 

Arrive at a solution

Once both of you have got your points of view across to each other, work together in finding a solution that works for both of you. It takes a lot of maturity, and wisdom, to co-habit with other people in cramped areas and yet respect each other and make the relationship a win-win relationship where everyone benefits.

 

Keep at it

Make sure in the future that you stick to your part of the agreement. If at any point, you feel you may be unable to honour your commitment, let your housemate know in advance so that they can be prepared. Make up for it later.

 

If you can learn to appreciate and respect your housemates and their differences then you will get on like a house on fire (not literally of course!). Their habits and routines may be different to yours, but if you can see their good side you will avoid many unnecessary and hurtful arguments.

 

Remember, after the fight is over, you still have to live with that person! To avoid any potential embarrassment later, try not to say things in the heat of the moment which you will rue later, or cringe thinking about when you have cooled down sufficiently.

 

House or flat sharing isn’t always easy, but if you take the time to listen and communicate with each other about any possible problems, any conflicts can be amicably resolved and happiness quickly restored to your wonderful house!!